This past weekend I was on an Apartment Life retreat with all the teams that serve in our church. I'll do another post soon just about the retreat...I want to wait until I can show you the pictures. It was amazing to say the least.
Saturday, July 19, was the due date of our unborn child. It is still crazy to me that had everything gone "well" we would be parents and our lives would be totally different. I was only pregnant for 10 weeks before we miscarried. During our pregnancy, I went to the doctor 2 times a week since it was high-risk. I was nauseous, exhausted, and nervous...I was pregnant. We knew something was potentially wrong when I started spotting at 9 weeks. I called the doctor on Friday at lunch time and immediately headed down for a sono. We could see the baby but no heart beat. We were crushed, but still trying to remain hopeful.
I remember waking up the next morning craving eggs....eggs were the first thing to make me nauseous, even the thought of eggs. I told Chase and we both thought it was odd. It was then that I didn't feel pregnant anymore, not a good sign. We were still optimistic through the weekend because I didn't bleed anymore which is a really good sign.
Tuesday I went back in for another sono. This confirmed the worst. As soon as the picture was on the screen I said, "this isn't good, is it." There was no baby on the screen, just black. I wanted to give my body a little time to discard everything naturally but it looked like that wasn't going to happen. I had heard of people going longer then a month before their body did it naturally. The longer your body takes, the more risk you have for having an incomplete 'abortion' (that's the technical term and I HATE it!) and then they would have to do a D&C anyway. With all that said, we scheduled the D&C for that Friday.
The D&C was very emotional and took a lot of time to process. I walked in pregnant, and walked out not pregnant? I knew there was nothing living inside of me anymore but that didn't matter, my baby was still mine to protect. The surgery went well, no complications. However, I did end up with an infection a couple days afterward which was EXTREMELY painful.
So, here we are now, 7 months after the miscarriage. I have had 3 surgeries and 4 months of horrible treatments in the last 9 months. We meet with the infertility doctor hopefully for the last time next week. I think at that point he will give us the green light for trying again. If we wait too long, the endo will start to come back. Never in my life did I ever expect to go to an infertility specialist at the age of 24! I have learned so much about my body through all of this. I have also learned how to have true compassion. I get teary eyed when I hear of someone going through a miscarriage or a loss of any kind. I never did that before. I am grateful the Lord used this time to teach my heart and mold me just a little more into the likeness of Christ.