Whoaw am I ever thankful!

At the beginning of January someone asked hub and I what were our "goals" for 2009. Hub quickly responded "we want to have a child in our home by the end of the year." At the time this seemed like a lofty goal given our fertility status. At that time we had just begun the foster process but we had no idea what that was going to realistically look like.

Fast forward just 11 months and we not only have one child in our home, but 3! Even more remarkable is that the girls were only suppose to stay with us a very short time and yet we still have them, almost 7 months now. The Psalms says that "children are a blessing from the Lord." We are so blessed to have experienced that blessing this year, not only with 1 child but 3. The countless hours we have poured ourselves into these children we have by far received so much more from them then we've given them.

This year has been by far the most crazy year of my life. It has been a roller coaster to say the least but it has been a thrill to ride. I am so thankful the Lord not only let me ride it, but he was sitting next the entire time. This year isn't even over and so much could still change before we enter the new year, but for now, we are enjoying every moment we can.

For a quick update on all our kids, their status' change all the time. Right now we are literally month-to-month with the girls. They could leave at anytime or they could be with us for quite some time. We'll have the baby for a while still. His adoption status is still unknown and we won't know for a while. We count every day we get with them such a joy and we trust the Lord will comfort us if/when they depart from our home.

My thankful list this year is virtually endless. I am astonished and blown away at what the Lord has let me experience this year.

I blame it on the fancy phone

I could come up with a multitude of excuses for why I haven't blogged in almost 2 months, but the real culprit is my phone. You see, I'd been using the same old phone I had 9 years ago! It was dated to say the least. Every 2 years I would get my free upgrade but in a matter of months, the new phone would die for one reason or another and I would resort back to the trusty proven dinosaur.

In October we were scheduled for yet another upgrade and this time I got the fancy phone that puts the world wide web at the touch of my hands at all times. I have opened my lap top 5 times in the last 2 months because everything I need is on my phone. The lap top is great but when you have 2 little sets of hands that love the lap top it makes it challenging to open it very often. So alas, my facebook status updates have become more frequent but my poor neglected blog is, well, neglected.

I am stealing a great idea from a friend and I'm going to start posting my facebook status updates on the blog once a month. I put a lot of Miss M's quotes on there so this way all of you non-facebookers, can laugh along with the rest of us.

Remembering

I can't believe it's Oct 1 already. This date marks the due date of another life we had the privilege of celebrating 8 months ago. I have such mixed emotions about this loss in our life. All of the "what if's" start coming to mind. "If" we had been able to maintain this pregnancy we would not have the 3 children we have right now. I'm looking at my living room and I see 3 precious living lives the Lord has entrusted us with. Like our pregnancies, we don't know how long we will be able to love and care for these love bugs but we celebrate everyday we have with them. I know that God does not hold any good thing from His children and I trust in that.

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessing children are. I am able to parent and experience those blessings even though my body rejects life. How awesome is that! God is good, all the time.

A Poop Story

I think every parent has a poop story. I can remember my mom sharing a poop story with us on more then one occasion. I guess I've been a parent long enough to finally have my own poop story, so here goes.

A couple days ago the girls were just not going down for a nap. It was a flat out battle and I did not win. Miss M was pretty mad at me for making her stay in her bed but eventually she calmed down enough to at least get some quiet time in. I could hear the girls talking to each other but I thought I'd at least take some quiet time over no time at all.

When I decided it was time for them to come out, I opened the door and was met by a horrific smell of feces! I looked right at Miss M and said, "where did you poop?!?" She started pointing to a few spots. I quickly assessed the situation and realized it was bad....bad bad. She had apparently pooped on her blanket but got it all over herself while she was at it. She took off her blanket and her MATTRESS COVER and proceeded to use the mattress as her toilet paper! There was poop smeared ALL OVER her mattress!

I not-so-calmly took her to the bathroom to clean her up. I then cleaned up the blanket. But what to do about the mattress? I called a few people for advise and finally turned to the world wide web for answers. A google search led me to another woman's blog who had a similar story only on the carpet. She suggested hydrogen peroxide as it is known to get out blood stains. I dowsed the mattress in it and let it sit for a while. Then I used our handy dandy small carpet cleaner and put enzyme killing pet cleaner in it. Between the 2 of them, it seemed to do the trick. The mattress doesn't have any odor nor stain. I hope you never encounter this type of poop story but if you do, I highly suggest hydrogen peroxide and an enzyme killer.

Do you have a poop story? Do share and we can commiserate!

Life in the fast lane.

Whew! Has it really been 2.5 weeks since I last posted? Sorry guys. It's getting late and I really need to get some sleep before the baby wakes up for the first shift so I'll give you the low down in bullet points.

-We LOVE being parents of a newborn! I think everything he does is so adorable...even the yucky things. So far things are going pretty well with him. He has had a few rough nights due to a little congestion but last night he seemed to do much better.
-Miss Z is finally sleeping through the night!!! The first 2 nights we had the baby she woke up several times. I thought I was going to go crazy with 2 kids waking up at different times. We experimented with a few things and were finally able to get her to sleep without waking up. Seriously PTL!
-The girls are doing really well adjusting to the new addition. MUCH better then I expected. Miss Z had a few hard moments the first couple days but she has been doing great the last week.
-We no longer have the 2-on-2 advantage. We, as parents, are out numbered. This poses some unique challenges but we're figuring it out as we go.
-Now for the sad news. We found out we were pregnant 2 weeks ago. Four days after celebrating all that the 2 pink lines meant, we found out we were no longer pregnant. I honestly thought that miscarriages would be easier after we had kids in our home, especially a baby. I can now say it is not. Just different. With our other loses, I grieved a dream. I didn't have anything tangible to grieve. After holding a newborn in my arms and watching Miss M and Miss Z grow and change, I know what I've lost. A child. I don't know if that makes sense at all. This pregnancy was a weird one on several accounts but primarily because it was so short. My doc is running a few more tests to see if anything has changed since February. I'm doing pretty well with it all right now. I had a few meltdowns when the bleeding began but the Lord has sustained me through yet another loss.
-We got many comments about how hard newborns are. We braced ourselves for the worst. So far he is way easier then the toddlers. He can't talk back, he can't get into everything, and he doesn't have years of baggage. Maybe it will get harder but for now, we can't complain. Going from no kids to 2 toddlers was a shock to the system, to say the least. Adding 1 more into the mix who sleeps a TON has been an adjustment but nothing like we experienced just 3 short months ago.
-It's really fun being a family of 5. I will be really really sad when we have to go down to a family of 3. Someone is always doing something silly or cute. There is never a dull moment and time seems to slip away into never never land.

That's it for now. I need to start writing down all the funny things Miss M has been saying lately. She has been cracking us up non-stop with the way she phrases things. I'll try and do a post of her latest comments soon.

The stork delivered!

We got our tiny Baby T!!!! He is so precious! I'll give more of an update later. Right now I'm going to enjoy holding him but wanted to give you a quick update.

We are adding another car seat!

Last weekend we bought a minivan. There is something wonderfully ironic about this picture. I'm 25, infertile, and yet I can't fit all our car seats in our semi-luxury sedan. So we lowered our debt, and got an amazing deal on a used Honda Odyssey.

I'm sure glad we decided to get it! This Friday we are getting an baby boy! Now I can't tell you how old he is or his name but let's just say he is really really really young and we'll call him Baby T for this blogs sake.

We've been almost this close to getting an infant before an then it fell through at the last minute. So while I am very confident we will get him on Friday, nothing is certain until we have him in our spiffy van. I'll let you know if it all works out Friday night.

We'll have gone from 0 kids to 3 in exactly 3 months if this works out. Crazy to say the least. We will love on these kids for as long as the Lord will allow us to. Miss Z and Miss M are still a temporary placement and we have no idea how long we'll have them. The verdict is still out on this baby's future but it looks like we'll have him for quite a while at the minimum.

Oh, quick update on Chase. He is doing MUCH better! We avoided surgery thanks to a speedy ENT doctor at the ER.

Strep can turn into what???

We've had quite an eventful few days. Thursday night Chase was not feeling well at all and called into work sick. By the next day he looked at me and said he was going to go to an urgent care doctor to get his throat looked at. Side Note: My husband doesn't go to doctors! Seriously, he has only been to a doc 1 other time in our 3 1/2 years of marriage...and that was a couple months ago with his staph infection. So when he told me he needed to see a doctor I knew he really wasn't feeling well.

They put him on an antibiotic and said it was strep. Great. Strep goes away pretty quickly with an antibiotic...or so we thought. Saturday morning, well really the middle of the night, he woke up in horrible pain. I look a look at his throat and said he should probably go to the ER. It was bad! I had never seen anything like it before! This was no longer Strep.

He went to a local ER who tested him for Strep and Mono, both came back negative. They didn't let him see the ER doctor and gave him another antibiotic and sent him home. Ugh! No answers.

So let's fast forward to this morning. He had been running a high fever for 4 days straight now. He woke up and said it was now effecting his breathing. I take a look at it and what do I see? I giant white puss pocket that is taking over half of his throat!!! I wish I was exaggerating. This time I take him to a different ER which was a good move. After the ER doc looked at it, he immediately called an ENT doc. Dr. S, the ENT doc, said it was on the verge of becoming an abscess. The only way to get rid of an abscess is surgery. He immediately placed hubby on a really strong antibiotic through the IV. He said if it doesn't get better or gets worse by tomorrow morning, he'll have to come in and do surgery.

His fever has broke, praise the Lord!, and he is feeling a lot better. The bulging puss pocket seems to be getting small, but definitely still there. We are praying we can avoid surgery! On our way out of the hospital this morning, they said this is really serious. If it gets to the point that it did this morning, don't bother driving him to the ER, just call an ambulance. This makes me even more frustrated with the first ER he went to as they would not let him see the ER doctor. If only we were into sewing....but we aren't. I'm just glad we went back in for a second opinion.

The moral of the story is: if you have a sore throat and think it may be strep, seek medical attention immediatly. If it goes untreated too long, it can develope into a deep infection that is called a really long word that I can't pronouce...this can then turn into an abscess which is really painful (so I hear) and will result in immidiate surgery. Oh, did I mention that you can also have perminent kidney damage? Minor side effect.

The Coaster Continues

I'm not going to go into a ton of detail here but I wanted to briefly catch you up on our week last week. We were offered an infant, accepted, but at the last minute we weren't able to take the baby. We continue to wait for the baby the Lord has for us. For one reason or another, most of our plans last week did not go as planned so we had to be majorly flexible.

We celebrated my youngest sisters birthday on Friday night. It's hard to believe my baby sister is already 21! I made homemade lasagna and ravioli in a cream sauce for our family get together. I have a pasta attachment to my Kitchen Aid and the past turned out great! That was the first 'high maintenance' meal I've made since we've had the girls.

Mom and sister and I saw Julie & Julia yesterday. I highly recommend it! It was hilarious and had a great story line. The only thing I would not recommend were the previews before the movie! Seriously! 4 out of 6 of them were trailers for horror films coming out soon. Really? Do you know what audience is attending Julie & Julia? Not people who will see horror films anytime soon. It was really strange.

My Bad

Tonight at dinner I totally forgot to pray. In the middle of dinner, Miss M said, "We forgot to pray! Jesus, Thank you for this food. I love you Jesus. Amen!" Thank you Miss M for remembering to pray!

Lord, thank you for allowing me to see how much Miss M is learning about You. Continue to teach her about how much You love her and desire an intimate relationship with her.

THIS makes the ENTIRE journey worth it!

Visiting the PoPo

For those of you who don't know, 'PoPo' refers to police officers or cops. My youngest sister affectionately refers to them by this name.

When we first got Miss M, every time we saw a Cop or police car, she would FREAK out. She frequently said, "Cops are bad. They will hurt me." We've been working with her quite a bit on this. We tell her that cops are nice and they are here to help us when we need them. Now when we see one she will look at us and ask, "Are cops bad? They won't hurt me?"

This morning on our walk I decided to give the local police dept a call. The Lt. on duty said we could come down and they would show us around. He was so sweet. He wasn't in his uniform when I called him this morning and all the officers were out so he changed just for us. They showed us the dispatch room with all the nifty computers. He then took us out and let the girls play in the cars. He let them turn on the lights and even the siren! Miss M LOVED this part of our visit. He let them sit on the motorcycle to which Miss M was simply giddy about. It was too precious.

As we were leaving Miss M said, "Cops are nice! They are here to help!" You got it sweetie!

This journey is quite the ride!

For those of you that have followed this blog for a while, you've probably picked up on the theme of our life...change and uncertainty. While at times this can be difficult it forces hubby and I to be completely dependent on the Lord for the next turn in the road. This is pretty ironic since we are both planners at heart.

All that to say, I got a call from our caseworker today saying that the visit this weekend has been postponed until 2 weeks from now! I'm SOOOO relieved! I was really anxious about what this visit would do to them. Hubby will be back by then and will be able to help out with the aftermath of the visit.

Another HUGE exciting update is that Miss M went THE ENTIRE day without a meltdown! This is seriously amazing! She woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6:25 this morning. By 10Am I realized we hadn't had a meltdown yet so I told her "Wow Miss M! We haven't had to do a think-about-it-time this morning! Great job listening to mommy!" To which she replied, "Oh I know." Smarty pants!

Single Parenting

Hubby is out of town for 2 weeks so I'm trying my hand at this single parenting thing....and I don't like it very much. Today is only day 2 and while it hasn't been quite as hard as I thought, it sure isn't fun or easy!

Two weeks ago the girls had a weekend visit with their bio family and it took a full week to get them back to 'normal'. I just found out today that they are getting another one this weekend. They weren't suppose to get another one for a long time but a few things did not go as planned so here we go again. I'm really not looking forward to the aftermath that these poor things endure with another transition like this. It is so hard on them since they can't communicate their feelings...well I take that back...they communicate through meltdowns and defiance.

Last time we had one of these hub and I were able to distract ourselves while they were away. This time, I don't have hub to distract me from missing them. While it is sort of nice to have the quiet house and time for me to nap, my protective mothering comes out and I don't want them leave to an emotionally unsafe place. It would be one thing to have them visit my mom or a friend for the weekend....its another thing to place them in arms that you dont' necessarily trust.

It's a good thing they are in the Lords hands even when I'm not there to protect them. Lord, protect their hearts during this transition and uncertainty.

We do have good news for the week! Miss M is almost fully potty trained!!! She has done such a good job at telling me when she has to go. We've had very few accidents this week. I hope she can keep up the good work when she is with her family this weekend.

A Rough Week

We were at the doctors 4 times this week! I went initially because Miss M had a bad rash. While I was there I asked that the doc to check out her throat because her voice was a little horse. She hadn't mentioned a sore throat and acted completely healthy, so too my surprise, the doc said she had strep!

The next day Chase went in because his nose was really red and swollen. Turns out he had a staph infection! Miss Z and I ended up getting staph the next day. Chase had to go back on Friday so the doctor could work on his nose again.

Needless to say, Chase and I spent all day Saturday sanitizing our apartment. We are all on strong antibiotics and no longer contagious which is great.

On a good note, Miss M used the potty 3 times today! We are majorly focusing on potty training this week. I've never potty trained a toddler so if you have any tips, pass them along!

Another Year

Friday, July 10th was the first year anniversary of our first babies due date. Last year when this date came around, it was rough. I was very emotional. This year I was more reflective on what the Lord has brought out of this loss. I was sad wondering what life would be like with a one year old running around but grateful that the Lord has led us to where we are right now.

Convo's with Miss M

Miss M got a doll from one of our friends that she has been obsessed with for the last 24 hours. I must say, she is doing a pretty good job as a mother. She rocks her, makes sure she has enough sleep, feeds her... I decided to ask her a few questions about her new baby doll and here's what I got.

What's your babies name? Baby

Is Baby a boy or girl? Girl

How old is Baby? 2 months

What does baby eat? Baby apple sauce

Do you love your baby? Yes!

After the questionnaire, she came up to me and said, "I want you to hold Baby in your tummy?"

Me: Tummy? How does that work?

Miss M: I mean on your lap.

Miss M: Baby wants Oatmeal. Tie It! (as she hands me a bib for her baby)


She is really starting to parrot us, most of the time that is a good thing :) The other day I was looking for a piece to my immersion blender. She asked what I was doing and I told her "Mommy can't find a part that I need to finish making dinner."

Miss M quietly watched me search through all the cupboards. When I found it she announced, "Good job Mommy! Good job finding it!"

What a Sceen!

So picture this: Miss M opened up our wedding album and found a page with both Chase and I on it. She layed prostrate hugging the album and said the following for about 10 minutes:

I love Chase. I love Chase. I Love Chase. I lUv Chase! I love Chase. I love Chase. I lUv Chase! I love Chase. I love Mommy! I love Chase......

I didn't know there were so many different ways to say I love Chase! And at least I got one I love mommy in there! Too precious. I only wish I had the video camera out. But alas, it was packed away and it would have taken me 10 minutes to get it out and start recording.

Oh, and today I was watching Paula Deen who always makes yummy desserts that Miss M comments on. She asked me what her name was and then said 'I love Paula!'

Blueberries and More

Has it really been 1o days since my last post? I guess the date on the last post doesn't lie. Sorry it's been so long. Here's what's been going on.

This past Monday we went blueberry picking! If you live near East Texas and you haven't been blueberry picking, it's a must! Well that is of course if you actually like blueberries. We went to Echo Springs Blueberry Farm and had a blast!....well let me re-phrase that, once we actually arrived we had a blast. The ride to and from were pretty miserable. I thought the girls would sleep but no such luck. Miss M tried to get out of her car seat constantly because she wanted me to hold her. I was stopping the car every 15-20 minutes to buckle her back in. Ugh.

Miss M picked a lot of blueberries but only 5 made it into the bucket. The rest ended up in her mouth. Which is a great healthy snack...but blueberries are full of fiber.... Need I go further with that thought? For the next 2 days her bottom was stained a greenish/blueish color...I almost took a picture but thought that might be a little too gross.

We've officially had the girls one month. The time has flown by so fast and we continue to adjust. Miss Z is sleeping through the night just great but Miss M still wakes up with night terrors. I've spent the last couple nights sleeping on her floor. It's so sad, she wakes up every 30-60 minutes and yells "Mommy." If I'm in the room I quickly assure her I'm there and she goes back to sleep. If I'm not there she starts screaming until I come.

The only thing I miss since taking the girls is date nights! Seriously. In order for anyone to watch our girls for us, they have to have current CPR and be background checked by MCH. So far my mom is the only who meets those qualifications. She has been so sweet to watch the girls when we have an event but we have yet to have a date.

Oatmeal+Toddlers

Oh how I wish I could post some pics of the girls on here. They are on their 3rd bowl, each!, of oatmeal. They can't get enough of this stuff. They'd rather have oatmeal than Cheerios...I don't think I have normal toddlers in my home. Miss Z has gotten 2 bowls in her mouth and the other bowl she is wearing...and it is so stinkin cute!

We've already had a big morning in our home. Miss M finally used the toilet for the first time, it was very exciting. She got to wear her big girl undies until she wet them...now it's back to the diaper until she tinkles in the toilet again.

....ok so I just gave Miss Z her 4th bowl of oatmeal!....This little thing can EAT!

We are still getting adjusted to this thing called parenting. It's been hard to jump into it like we have but the Lord has given us the strength and patience we need. We keep learning as much as we can about child development and how trauma, neglect, and abuse, play a role in their development. This has helped us with compassion when we have a 3 hour meltdown!!! Or when she damages our home on purpose....They are nasty meltdowns. These meltdowns make me so sad because I know she is just acting out of fear from rough past. If you and I had gone through everything these little girls have gone through we'd have nasty meltdowns too!

We have had the girls 3 weeks now and I've already made 3 trips to the doctor. Miss Z's ear infection hasn't gone away even though we have finished her antibiotics so it's onto even stronger antibiotics...ugh. Miss M has a horrible diaper rash that started spreading to her legs. Turns out its a bacterial infection, which means more antibiotics. Can you tell I'm not a fan of antibiotics?

Miss M is now calling me mommy and she calls hubby by his first name. She started off calling me Liz, then it turned to momma Liz, and now its mommy.

We are able to get through several books with Miss M. We read 'You are Special' by Max Lucado a lot so she frequently asks us "I am special?" to which we reply, "Oh Miss M, you are so special. You are special to us but you are even more special to God."

Oh another improvement is that Miss M stayed in children's church the entire time this past week! We were so grateful for that!

Okay so those are some of the updates. It's a little harder to blog with everything that is going on right now but I'll do my best to do at least a once a week post with updates. So much more happens in a week with them around!

We have a winner!

Thanks for posting your highlights of the year! They were really fun and encouraging to read. I took all your comments and put them in bowl, closed my eyes, and grabbed one. Our winner of either the Starbucks or Sonic gift card is..... my sister, Grace!

Can family be apart of the prize winnings?? lol My highlight was definitely WILDWOOD! I learned so much in that little town and met some of the greatest people there. Spiritually I grew a lot and became even more confident in Christ! Woohoo!

Grace works at Starbucks so we'll see what she chooses!

Post #100=Prize Time!

I've been blogging for almost a year, just 3 weeks shy, and this is my 100th post!!! It all started on June 26th, 2008 with this post.

Our life has changed quite a bit since this first post. Our little family has grown 150% by adding a dog in November and then these 2 girls...and a good possibility of another one by the end of the month.

We've ridden a few intense roller coasters over the last 12 months. We rode the 'deployment roller coaster' for about 5 months when we weren't sure if Chase was getting deployed or not. At times it was a daily up and down as he was told he was going one day and told no the next.

We rode the 'fertility roller coaster' with yet another pregnancy and miscarriage.

And finally we most recently rode the 'placement roller coaster' as we were told we would get 2 different sets of sibling groups before the girls we have now.

If you've followed my blog for very long you've been apart of these crazy roller coasters. The good news is that even though there are a lot of scary lows to roller coasters, there is also the thrill of the up climb and the anticipation it brings. We've had a lot of great moments over the last year. We've been able to trust the Lord with our future, BIG TIME, we were able to celebrate life with you through the pregnancy, and now we've had the joy of taking care of 2 precious girls.

What has been your favorite moment in your life over the last 12 months? Post a comment with this answer and I'll do a drawing for a Starbucks or Sonic gift card, your choice!!! It's going to be a hard decision because who doesn't like Starbucks but Sonic does have a great happy hour from 2-4 on their drinks. Post a comment before 7:00PM (Central Standard Time) on Friday, June 12. I'll randomly choose a winner and announce who the blessed individual is on Saturday.

Baby Shower

Tonight we went to a friends fun baby shower. We try and prep Miss M for everything we do so she isn't caught off guard. Here's how the convo went:

Me: "Miss M, tonight we are going to go to something called a baby shower! One of my friends has a baby in her tummy so we get to celebrate!"

Long pause

Miss M: "A baby shower?"

Long pause

Miss M: "Like a pardy?"

Me: "Yes, like a party! We are going to meet knew people and eat some food and celebrate the baby that will be born soon."

Really Long pause

Miss M: "Like a birdday party?" ...Yes I spelled birthday bird-day because that how she pronouces 'th'.

Me: "Yes! Just like a birthday party! We are celebrating the birth that is to come. And maybe they will even have cake there just like a birthday party."


It takes her a bit to process but she's getting the hang of it!

Life in Toddler Land

The girls are down for a nap, and once again the house is quiet. I never thought I'd enjoy the quietness so much. It's really a beautiful thing. The apartment is a disaster but I think I'll just bask in the calmness right now rather than clean.

I took the girls to Boomerangs this morning for the Watermark Building Blocks Fun Friday. I had no idea that such places existed but it was really fun! It's an indoor bounce house extravaganza! I wish I could post pics of the girls but alas, I can't. Miss M thoroughly enjoyed herself, especially the bounce houses with slides. Miss Z on the other hand was a bit pretentious. I think she was a bit overwhelmed. It seems to take her a while to warm up to new things.

This morning the girls didn't get up until 7:3o! I was able to take a shower, blow dry my hair, put on a little makeup, and do a quiet time all before they got up....it was amazing!

I think the girls are both starting to come out of the honeymoon phase. Many adoptive and foster kids have honeymoon phases where they act a lot better then normal. The meltdowns are getting more frequent and intense and we are beginning to see different sides to them.

I don't think I've said this yet on the blog but I love my job! It's seriously the hardest thing I've ever done...no kids to 2 toddlers overnight...but it's been such a joy and I'm so thankful the Lord has allowed us to do this.

The Joys

The girls are down for a nap so I have a few minutes to write and catch everyone up on our life.

We were on an Apartment Life retreat this past weekend at this amazing log-cabin-style mansion lake house about 2 hours away. I was a little concerned about taking the girls since I didn't know how they would react to seeing 40 people all at once but they did great for the most part. We had a lot of fun swimming, playing in the sand, and taking nature walks. Towards the end Miss Z was getting really really fussy and kept scratching on her ear. I took her to the doc yesterday and sure enough, she has a nasty ear infection. She has been doing better today but still more fussy then usual (but I realize our 'usual' is only based on a week with these girls).

Miss M keeps having some nasty meltdowns. It's really tough to see her go through them. I don't want to go into to much detail about them but they make us wonder what in the world has gone on in her little life.

Miss M sat through an entire book with me last night! That was HUGE because when we got her a week ago she was only interested in one-word-per-page books. The one we read last night was by Max Lucado, called Hermie (who writes THE BEST children's books).

We are working on colors with Miss M. Until now everything has been purple in her world. Today's color is yellow. We've been seeing yellow everywhere and I think she finally has it down...for today at least. I think tomorrow we'll try green.

So far half of today has been spent in the bathroom. Miss M found her big girl panties and has been wanting to wear them. I told her as soon as she goes tinkle in the potty she can wear them and get a special treat. She keeps asking me to go to the potty but then nothing...we just sit there. I'm glad she is interested in the potty because those #5 diapers are EXPENSIVE! If any of you have some wisdom of potty training, let me know! I'm not pushing this on her at all though because of so much change she's had recently. She seems to want this on her own so that's why we are trying this out.

I learned today that both the girls LOVE hummus. I sat them down to eat their yummy toddler friendly lunch today but they were much more interested in my hummus and sprouted tortilla chips. Miss M was literally spooning the hummus. She ate 1/2 of the tub!

I've also learned that I cannot get through the day without a good quiet time. Seriously. I'm at my whits end if I try to do this on my own. Thank you Lord for forcing me to be dependent on you.

The last news is that the family ahead of us on the infant list will be getting their infant this week. Our caseworker told me yesterday that they are expecting a birth at the end of the month and another one early July. This means it will be very plausible for us to have 3 under the age of 3 by the end of the month! We are very excited but freaking out just a little bit. But just like everything else with this process, we'll believe it when we see it.

Wild and Crazy

The last two days have gone pretty well. We are all (and I mean ALL...especially our dog Jackson) still adjusting. Miss M had her first big tantrum today. She had to sit in the 'think about it' chair for about 10 minutes. She determines how long she stays there. When she is ready to tell us what she did wrong and how to do it right she can get off the chair. We've been constantly learning about respect. We respect toys, dogs, couches, and especially people. This includes what we say, how we say it, and how we care for those things.

I think Miss Z may have an ear infection...not sure though. She keeps touching her ears and rubbing them. I'm not looking forward to visiting the doctor because I've heard everything with Medicaid takes longer.

So here are a couple of my thoughts on parenting:
-Momma's of 2 or more toddlers are excused from working out in a gym because your working out ALL day. We've got cardio, chasing the girls in the park and dancing, and plenty of weight building, picking them up and rocking them to sleep (we don't have a rocker so this is done manually).

-My house will never be clean again! The only time to clean is during nap time but that time is also used for cooking dinner and maybe squeaking a nap in myself.

-The girls SQUEAL with delight when hub comes home! They race to see who can get around his neck first. It is soooooo sweet! I need to get it on camera soon.

-I LOVE seeing them in the morning. I can't wait to wake them up! Miss Z has the biggest smile on her face and does a little panting thing which is so adorable.

-My apartment just shrank a ton! Something about adding 2 little girls made it shrink overnight. We like to spend a lot of time outside at the park and pool. They love to run and run in the part. It's definitely a 2 man job though so I've had a couple residents who stay home come out with us.

Oh goodness, got to run...they both just woke up SCREAMING!

Sound Asleep

Whew! What a day. First let me apologize if you called or texted me today and I did not return the call or text. The phone was ringing off the hook which was such a blessing knowing people care and love us but we weren't able to answer many of the phone calls with everything going on. It's crazy to think that we woke up this morning with no kids and we're going to bed with 2 toddlers sound asleep in our apartment. Welcome to parenthood!

We spoke the their caseworker for quite a while learning more details of their history and personalities. We found out the story we told when they asked us to take them was not accurate on several accounts. The girls are a lot younger than we were told and we'll most likely have them longer than anticipated...which we don't mind at all! They are so beautiful! I wish I could post a picture of them.

Today went pretty smooth with the older sister...we'll call her Miss M (her name does not start with an 'M' but I need some sort of initial!) She is adjusting really well so far. I'm just nervous this is a 'honeymoon' stage and she'll wake up in a couple days and act like a different girl. The younger girl (we'll call her Miss Z) had some rough moments but we got through them.

Tomorrow night we have an event. Mom is coming over to watch the girls which is such a big help. I hope they do ok with yet another transition as hub and I come and go as we set up.

Thanks for all your prayers and support as we all adjust. It seriously means the world to us!

We have them!

I'll post more about it tonight but wanted to let you know that everything went as planned! Thanks for your prayers.

So far so good!

Well we never got a call saying tomorrow was off so so far everything is going as planned! We are suppose to get them tomorrow afternoon. I'll let you know if/when it goes through. We installed 2 toddler car seats in our car this evening. We picked out girly bedding, got a few basics like tooth brushes, a toddle potty seat, hair clips.... I hope it goes through. I don't want to have to return things again.

We were walking through Target and hubby kept asking me if we need to get this and that. I finally looked at him and said, 'I think the only phrase that's going to come out of my mouth for a while is, 'i don't know." That's how I feel right now. I. Don't. Know. I don't know how to parent an infant, much less 2 little girls in 2 completely different stages in life who have had who-knows-what kind of trauma in their precious little lives. We've read some good books but I've never practiced any of this. Yesterday's message at Watermark was perfect for me in many ways. It was on the story of the 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. We all know the story, but this time it went a little deeper. I don't know how to love these girls and how to meet their needs but the Lord does. I need to give Him my measly 2 fish and 5 loaves and let Him multiply it into exactly what these girls need.

"Lord help me give you what I see as so little and trust You to glorify Yourself in ways that I can't fathom right now. Help my unbelief."

Toddler update

We are still getting the girls but it has been postponed until Tuesday. I'll let you know if anything changes.



Several times over the last week I've been wanting to bust out and sing "Roller Coaster...."



Chase was really sweet and we had a great date night last night. We went to a resturant that I've been wanting to try for years but it's really pricy. It's called Jaspers and its at the Shops at Legacy in Plano. It was GREAT food! The owner also has a restraut called Abacus in Uptown.

3rd Times a Charm???

Yep, we got offered another placement today. They are 2 toddler aged girl siblings. They are most likely not adoptable but taking them won't prevent us from getting an adoptable infant if one becomes avaiable in the next could months. They are already under Methodists care in another city so everything should work out this time. We are scheduled to get them sometime on Friday.

We would love to provide a loving and stable home for them as long as the Lord will allow us to have them. I'll let you know sometime on Friday if we get them.

Let's talk about fun things

I've been pretty down the last 2 days with the drama that unfolded and then getting so sick. I'm finally feeling much better. I still can't seem to eat much, 7-up and Saltine crackers are my friend right now. I think I might actually leave the house today! I'm excited about that.

I don't really want to talk about the last couple days or my emotions right now so let's talk about some fun things. Next week I've got 2 cake tastings scheduled for upcoming wedding cakes. I'm very excited about this. This is when I'll figure out exactly what the brides want in their design and the 'vision' starts to really come together.

Another fun thing to talk about is how amazing I've been feeling!...well minus the last 2 days. I think this crazy diet thing is really working. My pain level has dramatically diminished. The month before I saw Dr. R I was having 2-3 endo pains an hour. Now, I have maybe 6 per month. BIG difference. I've also lost 16 pounds! Crazy. This stomach virus helped with the last 2 pounds...but I'll still count it! Chase has lost 17 pounds. We went to Ross the other night and Chase picked out a cute outfit for me. We guessed on the size of shorts because I didn't have time to try them on and they fit perfectly. This is 2 sizes smaller than 3 months ago!

Chase and I have been learning a TON about parenting recently. We've been reading The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis, who I've mentioned before, and it has been giving us a lot of great information. It is specific to parenting children who come from 'hard places' but many of the principles are relevant to biological children as well. I would HIGHLY recommend it for every parent.

Twins Update

I wish I could say that everything went as planned and we picked up the twins this morning...but alas, it did not go as planned. Without going into a lot of details, there is a chance we could still get them but it doesn't look good. My biggest concern is for the girls' safety. Please pray for them.

I woke up in the middle of the night and quickly realized I have caught the stomach virus mom, sister, and nephew had. It was/is nasty! I didn't sleep much last night but I was able to read about 1/2 a book while I hung out in the bathroom....productive sickness :) I'm doing a little better this evening but still running a decent fever. Chase is also under the weather...we are pretty pathetic right now.

We ran to Target last night to pick up a few necessities for the twins. We didn't take anything out of their packages and kept the receipts. Apparently that was a smart decision. We are really bummed and sad. My perspective on this entire process is that I'll believe it when I'm holding kids in my arms and taking them home. It's tough though. Nothing is for certain. Oh how I long to be 'normal' and have a 'normal' pregnancy but more then that, I long to be exactly where the Lord wants us and have the family the Lord wants us to have. Sorry for the raw emotions but that's where I'm at this evening.

Kiddo's TOMORROW!

Few! Just got a call from MCH asking if we could take 2...I said 2! 2 yr old twins!!!! And the crazier thing is that we said YES! They didn't know much nor the adoption status but they needed as answer asap. We'll most likely pick them up tomorrow MORNING! I know, I'm using a lot of capitals but that's pretty much how I feel at the moment.

I'll let you know more when I know more...probably tomorrow evening sometime. And again, I can't post pictures which I'm really bummed about. Thanks for you prayers...we could really use them right now.

Extra Time with Martin

My sister was suppose to leave yesterday. After checking in at the airport, she quickly realized she was sick....sick sick sick. Poor thing. Due to the swine flu outbreak, she was able to change her flight for no fee which was great! She had a rough night last night and then she called me this morning and said my mom was really sick too! They were both too weak to take care of Martin so I came over and picked him us. It's been fun having him over here today. He is such an adorable and fun baby. Here are some pic's from his time with us.

I'm sad sister and mom are so sick but it's been fun having some extra time with my nephew!

Cakes, Baby M, and Update

We got our fun new camera in last Friday. We've (actually it's more like Chase) been reading the manual and learning all about the many buttons. I think we've got the basics down, f-stop, shutter speed, iso ect. but there is still so much to learn.

Cakes: I've done 2 cakes over the last couple days so here are their pics.

Baby M: My sister is visiting from Phoenix for the week. She brought her precious 14 month old with her. Here are some pics from today.

Update: There really isn't much to update you on. There has still been know news from the kids' caseworker so at this point there is very little chance we'll get them. We finished up the last class yesterday so our license may be in the mail as we speak. We'll let you know if we get another placement offer but for now we just hurry up and wait.

Bummed?

Yesterday we got an email from MCH saying they have not heard anything more on the kiddos. They were suppose to get a fax on Monday with all their info but the fax never came. They said "sometimes this just happens. We won't hear back from a caseworker ever again or sometimes they call back a week later." Hum..... I'm sure glad the Lord knows what is going on because we sure don't. We are bummed but still a little hopeful. It seems our married life has revolved around unknowns, why should this be any different?

We go in on Monday to finish up the class that will complete our license so maybe we'll find out more info then. This journey to parenthood is turning out to be quite the adventure!

On a very exciting note, we ordered a Nikon D90 and it should arrive today! We have been saving for a while and really wanted to get it before we have kids. We choose the D90 over a Cannon because it has HD video on it! Chase has been taking a photography class online so he's getting photography-lingo savvy.

Babies Update

Yes, you read correctly, babIES. Plural. I'll start at the beginning. Friday morning we received an email from our director saying that our license was held up in Waco because the state just mandated that one of the classes we took now has to be 8 hours instead of 6. MCH is scrounging to come up with an additional 2 hour class for us asap. Hopefully it will be sometime this week or early next week. As soon as that is finished, our license will be in the mail.

I had to go in to see our director on Friday for a few additional items and while I was there she offerred us a placement. A baby and a toddler sibling group. I can't tell you the exact ages via the Internet so that will at least give you an idea. One is a boy and one is a girl but at that moment she didn't know which was which. She didn't have any more information for us except that she thinks they will be become adoptable and we are the only family at the moment who are available to take adoptable babies. Since we don't have our license yet we obviously can't take them until we have it in hand but since there is no one else to take them right now, they'll have to wait for us.

At all times, we have the option to say 'no' to a placement. With that said, we have thought and prayed about it all weekend. At times we looked at each other and said, "there is no way we are ready to take 2 kids at 2 different life stages! We've never been parents before...this is way over our head." Other times we looked at each other and said "how can we say no? We want to be parents. God has been a God of the curve ball all year so far. Our plans may not be God's plans" Lord give us wisdom! Seriously.

As of this morning, we have decided we will take these precious babies. I can't imagine why someone would want to give up their baby and toddler but we are grateful for the opportunity to be parents. Now things can always change between now and when we have our license in hand. The parents may change their mind, someone else may come along to can take the babies sooner then we can...we don't know. We do know that if they are still available when we have our license, we will welcome them into our home as our kids as long as the Lord will allow.

If I think about it too much the overwhelming thoughts flood in. I know if the Lord wants this to happen, He will give us the strength and wisdom to do this. We will have to be wholly dependent on the Lord for this. Most of the time we wouldn't have this much time to think about it but since our license hasn't come yet, we are grateful we had a weekend to make a decision.

Hopefully I'll get more information tomorrow and can start preparing accordingly. I want to let you know that it is our desire to keep any foster or adopted kids' story just for them. We have read from several expert in the fields that it's best not to share your kid's story with the anyone but the child so they have a sense of ownership of who they are and where they came from. So with that said, I'll share with you what I can but there are many questions you will have that I won't be able to answer for that reason. When any of our kids are old enough, they can share what they wish with whoever they want but we want them to have that ownership.

We would covet your prayers as we prepare and wait. It could potentially be a long week or two now that we know there are 2 precious kids waiting for us to get our license.

Stay-at-home-wife

Today is my first official day as a stay-at-home-wife and I LOVE it! Well, yesterday was really the first official day but Chase took the day off for his bday so we spent the day in Fort Worth. I know it's hard to believe but neither of has ever been to FW! Chase loves zoo's so I planned a trip to the zoo, a picnic lunch at the botanical gardens, and dessert at the Cheesecake Factory. Side note: there is nothing in cheesecake that is on my diet but I decided to cheat for hubby's bday...bad idea. I didn't feel so hot this morning. I was so tired and groggy. The cheesecake was good but not worth the way I felt this morning. As of last Thursday, I've lost 9 lbs!!! I've been on this diet 4 weeks exactly. I feel so much better and the changes just keep coming.

I've got a lot to do so I won't be bored for quite some time. There is a lot to do when trying to start your own business, even when it's going to be a really small business. I have to get my food handling certificate which requires a 2 day class and test, set up a website, get a logo, create legal documents, get my tax id number...and I'm sure I'm missing a few things. I would like to have everything done as soon as possible so I can start making some mullah. I've got several big cakes on the books for June so I need to be official at the latest by then, Which should happen even if there are a few glitches.

My mother-in-law is visiting us late next week and then my sister comes the week after that. My mother-in-law has only been here for the wedding so I'm excited to show her what our life is like.

All of our foster stuff was sent to Waco today. It got held up in the Dallas office because the director was out sick all last week. So we should now be getting our license sometime next week. I'll let you know when we get it!

Prepping for baby

I am now a stay-at-home wife! And hopefully soon to be stay-at-home mom. I finished up my last week at work. It was bitter-sweet, but I must say probably more on the sweet side. I'll miss seeing everyone on a daily basis but since Chase still works here, I know I'll see them all from time to time.

We painted the second room last week. It's a light mosey-lime green. If we get a girl, we can add some pink, and if we get a boy, we can add some blue.

We still haven't gotten our license in the mail yet. We are expecting it sometime next week. I'll let you know as soon as we get it!

I got my first baby gift from a co-worker today! Here's a picture.

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that we had a foster baby for an entire year and on the baby's 1-year birthday the birth mom came to get her child back. It was so sad and heart-breaking. I am 80% thrilled beyond words to start this new journey and 20% scared to death that something like this dream will come to fruition. We are constantly praying that Lord will prepare our hearts for whatever may come and that we can be grateful for each day we have.

As soon as we get the nursery put together I'll take some pics and post them.

Weekend Happenings

We are DONE with EVERYTHING for foster!!!! This past weekend we had our home study which was our final 'check' on the lengthy 'to do' list. It took right at 3 hours. They asked us every question possible about each of our history's and how we plan on disciplining our foster child. We have been listening to a lot of Karyn Purvis so that helped tremendously with some of the tricky questions. Karyn is a child development prof at TCU who specializes in 'children who come from hard places', i.e. lots of adoptive and foster kiddo's. She is a wonderful godly woman and I really recommend her book, "The Connected Child" to ALL parents. It will take 1-2 weeks to process everything and send our license to us and then the real waiting begins.

I'll let you all know AS SOON as we get a baby. BUT I can't post pictures, use their real name, or tell you their story via the internet, foster rules. When all the adoption paper work is signed then we can share all of that info online. So, if you would like to see the baby or know all the details, you'll have to come visit which we would love! For all of you who live far far away, you can at least call me and I'll tell you what I can.

I did a weigh in this morning. It's officially been 2 weeks since I started this crazy life style change. I've lost 5.5 lbs in just 2 weeks! I have not exercised at ALL the last couple weeks. I'll be picking that up again here soon. I've gained 20 lbs since getting married 3 years ago. 15 of that was from the horrible treatments I was on that I never lost. So I am thrilled to see some of that coming off. Again, the goal is NOT weight loss, it's to get my body to a place where it can heal itself. I really feel like a new person since starting all of this. I have SO much more energy. I don't feel like I'm dependent on caffeine to get me through the day. I'm so much more productive at work and I don't feel like I have to be a sleep by 9 every night. If that is the only benefit from doing all of this, then this whole process has been well worth it.

Hoops and yoyo cake

I did this cake about a year ago for a co-workers birthday. She is obsessed with Hoops and Yoyo. If you have no idea who Hoops and Yoyo are, click here.

Naturopathic doctor update

Last Monday and Tuesday I went to Tulsa OK to see Dr. Joel Robbins who is a Naturopathic doctor. You can read more about why I went here. The results were fascinating but a little overwhelming. His approach to all diseases is drastically different than modern medicine. He is a believer and believes that God created our body to be the ultimate healer but we've hindered our bodies from doing so by putting 'toxins' (processed food) into it. He ran a bunch of tests and determined what vitamins and minerals my body was having a hard time absorbing and did some allergy tests to find out what food I'm allergic to.

My body has a hard time absorbing calcium, magnesium, vit C, all the B complexes, and folic acid. The latter 2 may explain why I keep miscarrying.

I'm allergic to wheat, rice, barley, msg, almonds, sunflowers, hazelnuts, all cow dairy except butter, artificial sweeteners...and I think I'm forgetting something.

My jaw dropped when I read this extensive list. My next question was "what CAN I eat?" I'm on a pretty strict diet and on several supplements. The goal is to get off the supplements within 6 months as my body starts to recognize the minerals and vitamins through food. He will re-test the food allergies in 6 months to see if I can start adding the wheat back in my diet.

I learned a lot while I was at the clinic. The tests were done all day Monday but I had some down time in between so I read a couple of his books. No, I'm not a ridiculously fast reader, the books were just really short. Apparently our body absorbs the most nutrients through juices. Part of my diet includes juicing fruits and veggies twice a day. I'm still getting used to the veggie juice...it's not my favorite. But the fruit juice is amazing! We got a nice juicer since we're needing to juice so much.

As you can imagine it's been an interesting week and a half. My sweet hubby had decided to join me on this new diet and is doing much better at the veggie juice than I am. We have to majorly plan ahead now. Like last night we were at our last foster class and I knew they would provide dinner. We had to plan ahead and bring our own with us instead of enjoy the pizza with everyone else. My cloths are already fitting looser and I think I've dropped 3 or 4 pounds. Crazy!

The goal is not to loose weight (although that will be an added perk), it's to get rid of this endo! He really thinks that if my body isn't trying to fight all the toxins I've been putting into for all these years then it will be able to fight the endo. He see's a lot of cancer patients come through and has see huge successes. It's not a quick fix but hopefully it will fix the issue longer than 9 months like a surgery. What do I have to loose besides a few pounds?

Last week was SO tough. We would come home from work and be asleep by 8:30 every night. This week has been MUCH better. We both have a lot more energy and I'm feeling more alert then ever. I'll keep you updated on this new journey. If you have any good veggie juice recipes, PLEASE pass them on!

Busy Busy Week

We are completely wrapping up everything we have to get done for foster this week. Here's a picture of what this week looks like for us....

Monday: Breakfast on the Go Event (for Apt. Life)
Fire Inspection (Foster process)
Work a full day
CR

Tuesday: Fingerprints appt. for background check (Foster process)
Work a full day
Session 3 Class (Foster process)
Put up flyer's (Apt. Life)

Wednesday: Health Inspection (Foster process)
Work a full day
Welcome visits (Apt. Life)

Thursday: Fire Inspection part 2 (Foster process)
Work a full day
Take pictures of our apt (Foster process)
Relax???

Friday: Work a full day
Clean like crazy for Home Study! (Foster process)
Flyer (Apt. Life)

Saturday: Home Study (THE LAST THING FOR FOSTER! YAY)
Help a co-worker move
Prep for event (Apt. Life)
Sunday: Church
Sammie Event (Apt. Life)

After all of this, next week will be a breeze! It's all the stuff we have to do really early in the morning before work that's going to get to me. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel now so we are motivated to finish strong.

We did some garage saling on Saturday. It was really cold but well worth it. We now have a car seat, a crib, and bottles! I LOVE garage sales! I think if we had a baby tomorrow we'd at least be able to make it a few days before needing to buy things.

Thanks for all your comments you left on the previous post. They all mean a lot to us!

Foster Parents!...Almost

I've been wanting to write about this for MONTHS but I couldn't until I let my work know what was going on.

About 6 months ago we started looking into adopting. We looked at everything available, private domestic, private agency domestic, international, and foster-to-adopt. We met with a couple who heads up Tapestry, an adoption and foster ministry, at Irving Bible Church. They have walked through this process with hundreds of families and are a wealth of information.

For this first adoption we've decided to go the foster route which is by far the most 'risky' and complicated but it's where we feel the Lord wants us right now. The process to be licensed foster parents is rather lengthy and involved a slew of things including lots of paperwork, classes, various inspections, the home study, and a ton of random things (like putting a thermometer in your refrigerator....). Everything will be finished by the 4th and then it will take about a week to get our license in the mail to make us official. At that point, we wait. How long? Only God's knows.

The agency we are working with primarily gets infants from women in prison who deliver while incarcerated. Since our heart is to adopt and not necessarily be a revolving door, we have put a few limitations on what kids we will take. We do not care what about the gender or race, in fact, I've always wanted a 'rainbow' family. It is very possible that in just 2 1/2 short weeks, we could have a baby in our home. Crazy! But then again, it could be months and we are totally willing to wait.

We worked on clearing out our second bedroom several weeks ago to make room for a nursery of sorts. We are only getting the vary basics for now because we have no idea if we are getting a boy or girl or even when we are getting a child. We don't know if the first one we get will actually become adoptable or if we'll have to through several babies. There are so many unknowns so we'll just have to take it one step at a time and trust the Lord big time! Some sweet friends gave us their changing table and stroller. We still need to get a crib, bottles, and a car seat at the minimum before April 10. We will get a call one day and need to pick up the infant that same day so there isn't much wiggle room to collect stuff.

We are thrilled and excited for this new adventure. I start to get a little anxious when I think about all the unknowns. I'm scared to give up a baby after we've had them in our home for 6 months or more. I'm selfishly sad that we can't plan much for this child, pick out nursery colors, have lots of baby showers, experience a birth. But I know the Lord has us going in this direction for a reason and we have longed to be parents for a long time now. Please pray for my heart during this journey. I have no idea what to expect and desire to trust the Lord and rest in Him through it all...whatever may come.

I gave my 2 week notice today. I'll be finished April 10. I've offered to work 1/2 days the following week unless we get a call with a baby. I'll still need to bring in some income during this time so I'm officially getting my cake business up and running. I found a commercial kitchen to work out of and will be getting my food handling licence soon. This means I can actually start charging for my cakes!!! The business name will be 'Cake Me Bakery'. I'm working on a website, logo, and business plan. If you need a cake or know someone who needs one, let me know!!! I've got several to do next month and a couple wedding cakes to do this summer.

I've got more to update you all on soon but this post is already lengthy. I'll let you digest all of this before the rest comes.

It's Baaack!

...my endometriosis. Yuck. No fun, pain. My last surgery was May '08, less than a year ago. I felt a million times better after that surgery. Virtually pain free for a good 6 months. It was amazing...and apparently, short lived. Granted, the pain is NOWHERE close to what it was pre-surgery #1. I've been slowly feeling it the last couple months. About 2 months ago I woke up in the middle of the night and had what I call an "episode," where the pain is so bad it wakes me up...ask Chase, it takes a LOT to wake me up! Yesterday morning I had another bought of horrible pain and stayed home for 1/2 a day until the strong pain killer kicked in.

A friend told me about a doctor in Tulsa, OK I'm going to check out next week. His name is Dr. Joel Robbins. He's a strong believer who got really frustrated in his early medical career because he had been taught to treat the symptoms, not the root issues. He took some time to study on his own and is now one of the leaders in the naturopathic field. I'll be there for 2 days. The first will be running various tests and the second day he will go over all the results and prescribe a treatment plan. He'll start with changes to my diet and supplements.

All I know is that there is no way I'm going back on the horrible treatments I was on a year ago and I'm not ready to do another surgery. So I'm going to try a different route all together. I hope he can help. It's really getting discouraging.

Beautiful Baja and Party

I'm sitting on a couch, watching food network, and listening/watching the waves crash on the rocks below the condo. It's AH-mazing! Chase is out getting us coffee at this little coffee house called Cha Cha's and it's WAY better than Starbucks. Oh, and when he gets back we are heading to the spa. We have slept at least 10 hours a night AND taken a nap every day. THIS is what I call a vacation! It is breath-taking here. I'll post lots of pics when we get back.

Last Friday Chase threw me a surprise party! It was crazy. I had NO idea. We were flyering for an event on Saturday which is how Chase got me to building 3 where our beautiful club room is. When I looked through the window, I said "Why is there food here?". Then the lights went on, a loud 'surprise' was yelled, and the happy bday song followed. It took me a minute to realize what was going on. When the "surprise" was sounded, I told Chase, "Oh no, we walked into someones surprise party!" HA! It was MY surprise party! There was 30 people there!

Oh, I forgot to mention that I cried. Yep. I had been so frusterated with Chase the entire day because he was acting really weird and wouldn't tell me what was going on. That on top of a stressful and exhausting week, I was really emotional. The party was great. I felt so loved. Thanks to everyone who came out! I REALLY appreciate you.

BDay Extravaganza!

Yep, today is my birthday. I love birthdays! Random trivia, I share my birthday with Jennifer Aniston who turned 40 today. Chase gets home from his grandmothers funeral later this afternoon so last night I decided to make my own birthday cupcakes....I know I know, you aren't suppose to make your own bday cake. (ready? long run on sentence/tangent coming...) BUT, I've been wanting to try this flavor combo for a REALLY long time but I never make cake for myself, I'm always making it for other people and no one ever wants to risk their cake with a crazy flavor...they want the normal white, yellow, chocolate, or sometimes carrot cake with butter cream....bor-ing. Actually, those are really good cakes but after making them over and over again, I want try something new!

So, I love lemon cake, but not your normal lemon cake. It's basically a french vanilla cake with a hint of lemon. Also I LOVE mascapone cheese and raspberry so I decided to make a raspberry mascopone frosting. So you're asking, 'what in the world is MASCAPONE cheese???' It's the Italian version of cream cheese. It is softer and smoother than cream cheese and has a hint of nut flavor. You've probably had it before and didn't even realize it. It's in authentic tirimisu. If you've never had it, you HAVE to try it! Go now, Run! Walmart even carries it now in their international cheese section.

Baby Benjamin Cake

I have a friend from church, Leslie, who recently had a baby, Benjamin. I brought her a cake after they got home from the hospital. It is a french vanilla cake with lemon cream cheese filling, covered in buttercream.

Soon, very soon...

We will be relaxing at the pool and beach below.... Yes, we are going on a much needed vacation! Baja Mexico, here we come! I can't wait!!!

Jackson pics!

...Where to start

When it rains, it pours!!! Life has taken a few interesting turns all in the last week. I'll write about them later but none of them have been easy. Thank goodness the Lord sustains us and takes our burdens.

I was finally able to talk to Dr. H about the miscarriage. I'm a huge fan of that man! He is so compassionate and tender. He suggested I go in for extensive blood to work to test for a TON of things and see if anything comes up. So sometime this coming week, I'll go in and get 10 viles of blood taken. It will take a couple weeks to get results but it will be well worth the wait. I've had my fair share of blood work done and I don't really get squeamish about it, HOWEVER, I am a HARD stick. I only have one arm that has any hope and it only has one vain that's worth anything. Many times it takes multiple tries and when they finally do get me, I only produce 1/2 to 1 vile. Sooooo, I'm going to drink a TON of water and eat a HUGE meal before I go and PRAY that I have plenty of blood for them to get.

Emotionally we are doing pretty good now. We are still sad and morn the loss but the Lord has given us an amazing peace. I visited a friend on Friday who just had a baby and was able to hold that baby without any sadness or jealousy. I was thrilled for them and couldn't believe what a miracle it was to be holding a healthy beautiful baby. Children are a blessing and we feel so blessed to have even carried a baby as long as we did. We know that one day we will hold a child in our arms and call it "ours" but really, we are all the Lord's children entrusted to our parents for a short time. Ok, now I'm rambling.

Today I cooked ALL day. I'm doing a cooking demo next so I had to figure out what I was going to do and actually measure and write down what I needed to do. I hardly ever measure, so this was hard. Lindsay came over and took pics as I cooked so I can put together step by step recipes with pictures. I'll post them all here as soon as I compile it all. It was really fun but I now have a new found respect for Pioneer Woman who does this on a daily basis. Crazy!

Final Update

My doc's nurse called this afternoon. The HcG came back negative for a pregnancy. The good news is that it is not an ectopic pregnancy nor do we have to wait until Monday for closure.



Chase's sweet grandfather sent us an email after he heard and his first sentence was 'What an awesome God we serve!' And he is so right. It is times like this that we hold on to what we know what to be true. God's ways are higher than our, thank goodness!



We are so grateful we were able to celebrate the life He entrusted us with for as long as we did. We still celebrate even though we grieve another loss. We now have 2 children in heaven that we long to meet. We are also grateful that we have friends and family around us to celebrate and grieve with us. We are not alone in this journey.

Update 2

I just got back from the Dr's office. It doesn't look good. There was no sign of a gestational sac. They took blood and will check levels again on Monday to confirm what they think. I have a slightly higher risk of having an ectopic pregnancy due to how much endometriosis I have in my abdomen so they are keeping a close eye on that.

I am of course very sad and emotional. The hardest part is that we don't know for certain. It's like 99% sure we miscarried but it can't be confirmed until Monday. My doc has been out of town (today I saw one of his partners) and get's back to the office tomorrow. He is an amazing doctor and I'm sure he'll call me when the blood work comes back. Chase is almost home, thank goodness.

Thanks for all your prayers. We are so blessed.

Update

Thanks for all your prayers. I was finally able to sleep around 1AM and actually fairly well. The bleeding has only gotten worse and is starting to get painful. Dallas is completly iced over today and the Dr's office isn't open yet. Chase will probably be let go at noon so he will be home around 3ish. At this point it doesn't look good but I serve a God of miracles, so I am still hopeful. I am just so grateful we have been able to celebrate this life as long as we have and we pray that we can continue.

Scared

It's Tuesday night and I'm bleeding heavily now. Chase is still gone. Please pray for our baby and pray for our hearts no matter what the outcome. I'll go to the doc tomorrow morning.

E

Prego update

My HcG levels doubled within 48 hours which is exactly what it's suppose to do! Our baby is growing! PTL!!! I've had issues with my progesterone being extremely low so I've taken Prometrium the second half of the month for a couple months now. The first round of blood work showed my progesterone was 24 which was AMAZING for me but the second round showed it plummeted to 13, which is not good. The doc has doubled the amount of Prometrium I'm taking in hopes of making that number rise! Unless I feel like something is wrong, I don't have to go back until Feb. 13 and I'll have my first sonogram!

So far I haven't experienced any nausea or heartburn. The last pregnancy, that all kicked in around 6 weeks. However, I have been extremely tired. I've been going to bed around 9 every night! Last night I got 12 hours of sleep but I'm still exhausted. I am not complaining at all, just documenting my pregnancy. Actually, I was telling Chase this morning that since I'm not nauseous yet, I don't really feel pregnant. This sounds weird but I'm almost looking forward to when I am nauseous because then I'll know that I'm pregnant. With our last pregnancy, I knew something was wrong when I woke up one morning and wasn't nauseous anymore.

News!

We're PREGNANT!!! We found out Monday night. I was in such disbelief I took 3 tests in a 5 minute span. We are thrilled and at times speechless. My obgyn is out of town for a couple weeks so I went to my general practicioner to get the blood work done. She knows our history and said, "couples in your situation shouldn't tell anyone until you've made it past the first trimester." She is only wanting to protect us but this last year and half have given us much perspective on children and 'our situation.' We don't know what the future holds but the Lord does and we rest in Him. Our desire is to celebrate this life that the Lord has entrusted us with, no matter how long or short that may be.

We had started down the adoption road and were excited about the possibilites that it could bring. We are still going to learn as much as we can about adoption so we can hopefully use that information in the future.

I'll keep you all posted on my progress. For now, we would appricate your prayers. Our desire is to be able to hold a baby in 36 weeks but we desire even more to have the children that the Lord wants us to have. We are both overjoyed and will cherish all the time we have.

More Wedding Cakes

Wedding Cakes

It's wedding cake weekend! Here are 2 pics for now and I'll post 2 others later this weekend.